Sunday, February 14, 2010


It should be a package..
It should be done when you ready for it..

But I realize it now...
Forget is 1000times harder to do..(even more..) :(
Years ago, there was a traumatic thing happened in my life..
It made me can not easily believe on people..(even till now)
It made lose someone that I love dearly..(I Love you, ma..)
It almost made me committed to do something that I know God hate the most..
Emotionally wounded sometime harder to recover than if we have physically wounded, right??

It feels so hard to forgive..
First I want to curse.. I pray for bad things.. I imagine evil things
(But I realize it then, if we sent curse it will be back to us again.. If we sent blessing, hopefully it will be back to us also.. So, now I try to bless people other than to hate or curse them, no matter what they’ve done.. Though sometime it hard to do :p )

At that time a verse of a prayer remind me..
As a human, we always seek for forgiveness for our sin and fault to GOD (And GOD knows, how many sin that we have made as human :p)..then why can’t we forgive others??

First, it felt so hard to forgive…
But time goes by.. And indeed time heals everything..

Within years by, I can forgive it…
Within years by, I can trust people again.. (Though still in process)
Within years by, I even can push my self to make a friendship with someone that I hate the most before…

It was so hard to do… But forgiveness makes it easy..
When I decided to forgive…there was a peaceful feeling that I had.. I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt like I compromise with my past

I thought I already get over it…
I thought I already locked my past behind..

But, due to simple YM Chat today…
Those things strike me back..
Just by read few comment that was made on YM…It made me burst in tears..
It haunted my mind when I teach.. when I do my activities..

It turns out, forget isn’t that easy

I think I value my self too high this time..
I thought I already get over it..
I thought I already did it..
I thought I’m strong enough to deal with it..
But probably not yet *bitterness smile*

Hopefully by time goes by.. And with God’s grace.. It will be healed.. :)
Hopefully it won’t hindered me for my future

I’m not a saint..
Just a human who try to live my life and fulfill it with good deeds..
May God give strength and blessing for me to do it. Amien.